ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
