I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
the raccoons are back...
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