No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
