I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
