yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
