I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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