You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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