Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
