ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
