I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
