Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize