ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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