His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wish my penis had a tongue
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
