remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
