Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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