Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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