He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You are a genius and a whore.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
