i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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