What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
