Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
