listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
