I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
