Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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