yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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