I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
