sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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