i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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