took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
