someone threw a dead crab at me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
