you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
