i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
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Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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