things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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