when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
