just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
