My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
