mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Shame - the story of my life.
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