Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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