Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
