in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
