My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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