Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
