Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
