I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
