dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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