i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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