there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
