I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
