Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize