She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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