i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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