we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
