he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
