i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize