He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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