So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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