So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
