More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
