omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
