I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
