Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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