Where is the hickey?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
