New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
