The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
