Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
