I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I FOUND THE LEGS
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
