I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
