Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
