i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize