I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
