i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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