I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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