It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
