At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
