A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
