Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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