I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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