The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
