He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
