some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
