Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Randomize
