I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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