I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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