Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
